Bitter Pill to Swallow

I try to live my life a certain way. My life right now is just not good and I know that the only person that can fix it is me. I think that the only thing that is on my mind is him. I mean how am I supposed to understand about what he wants when I don’t even know what I want. I don’t know what I want. I can stay and wait for him to come back or I can move on and find someone else. I really just hate all of this. All I want to do is understand but a part of me can’t and I don’t think I ever will. I need to stop and push it out of my mind.

I just wish I knew what to do. I am so tired of feeling stuck! I’m sick of all of this and I want it all to just stop. I want it to go away. I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper in the hole and I am so scared that I will never get out of it. Why did I have to make him my everything. I should’ve never done that bc then I wouldn’t been feeling this way right now. Oh well, I wish that I could get a sign that everything between he and I will work out and that we will be happy together someday. A deep friendship that we share but I know that it could be more than that. I need to stop, but I can’t stop sighing and it is just exhausting. It is an emotional mess that I need to get out of.

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