The feelings that are being felt right now are that of heartbreak. I can’t sit here and pretend anymore. It hurts my heart that he is no longer going to be a part of my life. Such a huge part of me is now missing. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I lost my first love. I am used to lose and used to people leaving me. Everyone always seems to leave me. I feel sorry for myself alot because who else is going to?!

I’ve become someone who I don’t even recognize anymore. It’s sad. I have come to hate myself! It’s such a disgusting thing that I’m going through. A Christmas miracle is all I did ask for but I guess I don’t deserve one. Happiness is a feeling not a destination. People say I just want to be happy or get happiness but it’s a feeling, an emotion, not a destination of where to go.

It’s just a sad sad time for me right now. I have no idea in what direction I’m going in. I am in this stuck-still place in my life. It’s depressing. I just want to lay in bed and cry and mourn a death. The death of who I used to be. I used to be someone who could move on quickly but I can’t. I don’t want to but I have to. I need to find my place in this world. I know that I will.


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